You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Pain’ tag.

Lost I may yet reach my goal . . . Without finding all that I seek . . . I may still be made whole.

 
Completion can only ever come from within . . . Anything else is an illusion . . . And love the greatest of all delusions.


I cry out in the dark.
Please hear me. 
 
Cold rain mingles with my tears.
Should you be my answer,
My beginning and ending? 
Fate our lives perchance intersect,
Our single connection to be made.   
Cherished this my illusive dream. 
 
I cry out in the dark.
Please find me. 
 
My hope sustains me in my wait
Finally to dispel my loneliness. 
My only desire to be with you,
To laugh, to cry, to love and hold. 
No yearning, no need be stronger.
Than at last we are together. 
 
I cry out in the dark.
Please free me. 
 
Tears of longing salt my cheeks. 
No other arms can warm me
Save your lover’s fond embrace. 
No other the occasion shall I provide. 
To hold my heart you must take care. 
Its more fragile than imagined.
 
I cry out in the dark.
Please love me.

I reach out. Is anyone there? 

From the cage of my own making
I ventured cautiously back into humanity 

Anxiously decomposing bits of the mask
Well used conforming to the social mores 

Long hidden the essence of my true being
Now clamoring for some path to expression 

I reach out. Is anyone there? 

From a place hidden deep within
There was a rustling, an awakening in me 

Fearfully stepping back into the world
That first venture tentative and uneasy 

Long and dark my absence from life
My choice before to remain in hiding 

I reach out. Is anyone there? 

From my soul there comes a whisper
The uncertain query of one disconnected 

Hesitantly calling to someone, anyone
Testing, probing, seeking some response 

Long the wait for this vital change
Connection needed for its validation

I reach out. Is anyone there? 

From head, from heart, from hopelessness
There comes my anguished cry of hurting 

Sorrowfully reaching out for reassurance
Some comfort sought to soothe my torment 

Long this pain has festered and bled
I seek to heal my wound, my broken heart 

I reach out. Is anyone there? 

She was the joy in my heart and the happiness that made me whole.  I don’t know why she came to me only to leave too soon.  I just know my life would not have been complete without having had her in it.  I learned from her that the moment is all we have, so each must be lived and cherished before it is lost. 

She was a beautiful child.  She was the incarnation of the very image I carried with me for all the months I waited for her.  She could have been the wonder that saved me.  For a devastatingly brief time, she was all that made my life worth living.  She was born less than perfect and the prognosis was she had no chance. 

Her medical problems required constant care.  There were endless doctors visits and major surgeries just to maintain her precarious hold on life.  Working, for me, was not an option.  She was a full-time job.  We struggled to survive.  Still each day I shared with her brought me such delight as has never been replaced.

When a tiny, little person made wise beyond her years by her own suffering tells you how proud she is of you . . . it is worth everything!  Every macaroni and cheese dinner out of a box, every trip to the thrift store to find clothes, every night spent by candlelight because you had no power, all fade into insignificance. 

Two weeks later she was gone.  I thought for a while I would die of a broken heart.  It doesn’t work that way though.  You endure the hurt forever.  But our memory now and again fails us.  Today I almost forgot this is the day she passed from me.  Providence though sent me a reminder such to assure I did not miss it.

Please do not mistake my crying as sorrow.  These are a different kind of tears I shed now.  This is the bliss of my remembrances.  On this day I look into that place in my heart that I so rarely go anymore and I learn the lesson once again.  The moment is all we have, so each must be lived and cherished before it is lost. 

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August 2022
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