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Its okay really that my life appears to others to be crazy.  That the things I do, associations I make and directions I choose are not what some would deem prudent.  I thoroughly enjoy the events and emotions I embrace.  I revel in the chaos and diversity.  The insanity is what makes me thrive.

 

There have been times in the past I have attempted to conform, to do the “right” things, to chase down the heavily traveled highway with the masses.  Try as I might, it simply does not satisfy me, does not fulfill me.  Sooner or later there’s a signpost that captures my imagination and I’m off at the next exit.

 

Intensity . . . Yes, I have the volume permanently set on “11.”  When I do a thing, I do it en masse.  I dive in without reserve, never checking first to see how deep the water is.  I am passionate.  It is the fuel for my journey . . . my life.  Without my passion, what would I be?  Just like the rest, I dare say.

 

A man once told me the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.  He was a wise man in many ways though I doubt few besides me would appreciate his particular brand of wisdom.  He taught me the opposite of life is not death, but stagnation . . . that mindless repetition murders the soul.

 

I would that when I am done, I be able to look back and laugh.  Even the tragedies, I want measured with humor and acceptance.  Life should be an adventure, not a chore to be endured.  I want to know it all, see it all, feel it all.  I want to drink in all there is available and be intoxicated by it.  Crazy?  No . . . alive!

 

 

 

I sent my deepest longing into the cosmic expanse, the vision of the soul I sought.  I cried out to him from the emptiness of my heart.  I wrote to him and of him in my prose and poetry.  I searched . . . I queried . . . I hoped . . . I dreamed . . . I ached . . . I despaired.

 

All life had molded me to a shape of a most unusual form.  I never connected fully with any man I was with.  The points of contact never enough to sustain me.  Never enough to have me forego the company of others.  Always I was looking to the next one, searching.  

 

I have been on a quest and as with any traveler, the journey changes me.  I have been wounded on my crusades.  I confess, I was losing hope of building any deep, meaningful relationship.  I was learning to be content with my random dalliances and coquetry.

 

I, though emotionally reserved and spiritually removed, can be physically responsive and uninhibited.  I did determine that corporal acquaintances were adequate to meet my needs.  Besides, fleeting encounters are so much safer, so less likely to break your heart.

 

Could it be that finally he has come to me?  Just at the time I had resolved myself to a solitary path, he touched the depth of me.  A man has reached to me in probably the only way this jaded heart could have ever responded to.  He embraced my soul, yes, my soul.

I asked for one that would know my soul

I longed for one that would make me whole

 

I searched for him who would soothe my pain

I reached for him who would feel the same

 

So there he be

The one that’s he

Forever for me

My destiny

 

He waited for one that would understand him

He hunted for one that would let him in

 

He felt for her who would be his only

He knew with her he would never be lonely

 

So here I be

The one that’s she

Forever to be

Yours eternally

 

We claim together our love beyond

We build together this lifetime’s bond

 

We see in each other our soul mate

We know without doubt this is fate

 

Ever we be

Just you and me

Forever are we

Though eternity

 

 

 

You are the sunshine after the rain

You are all that soothes me in my pain

You are the candle that lights my way

You are what matters at the end of the day

 

My love’s become a song I must sing

My lust burns hotter each moment passing

My heart may burst with all I’m feeling

My soul’s been mended by your healing

 

You are now the only one I see

You are that which let’s me be

You are the man to complete me

You with me surely fated are we

 

My wish to be the love of your life

My pledge to protect you with all my might

My passion knows no limits in your arms

My desire is that I never do you harm

 

So come to me

Soon joined we’ll be

It is our fate, our destiny

Okay, one of two things has happened, maybe both . . . I have lost my mind, or . . . the wish I sent out into the universe has been granted.  Who’d have thought?  Suddenly everything I have been consumed with finding is standing before me.  All I have to do is reach out and take it.

 

So, this being the place of all my confessions . . . the record of my life’s desires, anguish and joy . . . the evidence of the wish sent, it is only fitting the story be told here.  I write this so I will never forget any part of how I feel in this moment. I am overflowing with such a positive energy and I know its him.

 

Well, let’s just get the crazy part over first . . . I have fallen in love over the internet . . . the OMG, LMAO, TTYL, BRB, fucking internet!   That’s right folks, all the sap and syrup dripping from this website lately is over a man I have not yet met.  Still there is something poetic about it, me a writer falling in love at first write.

 

Its been long distance so far.  Yes, we most certainly are going to meet.  He’ll be here soon.  Could I be more insecure than at this moment?  Probably, check back later this week.  I am so sure its right though.  If this is not already the rip-your-heart-out-if-you-should-ever-lose-him kind of love, it will be shortly.

 

I have laid my emotional armor aside for this man.  We have bonded in a spiritual way.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s beautiful . . . eyes that I’m going to get lost in, a hot, rockin’ body, and yes for my friends out there . . . a mustache and goatee.  I’m going to have to rewrite part of that old post now that I have truly found the love of my life.  But I still have to ask, what’s with the mustaches?

 

I’ve decided to follow my heart and kick my rational mind to the curb.  Actually, even that won’t be necessary.  He has captured my mind as surely as my heart and soul.  I have no doubt we will have a physical connection.  So any earth tremors in the Pacific Northwest in the next couple of weeks will probably just be Jimmy rockin’ my world.

 

Head-over-heels, into the deep end, and totally out-of-control . . . just the way I like love!  So I have thrown caution to the wind and fallen in love.  Its love as sure as anything I have felt before and more.  Even though I am physically alone, I’m not lonely anymore.

 

 

 

Wish Reference . . . https://missdemurerestraint.wordpress.com/2008/02/01/anam-cara/

 

Mustache Reference . . .

https://missdemurerestraint.wordpress.com/2008/03/06/the-nature-of-falling-in-love/

 

 

 

 

 

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