Can an epiphany grow slowly, come to fruition over the course of time?  Maybe what I’m experiencing is more of an awakening or an acceptance?  Yes, acceptance.  The epiphany happened March 9, 2008.  It was something that had been rattling around inside me for sometime.  On March 9th, it flowed out of me in words.  I was finishing a post and at the end three lines that didn’t fit, spilled onto the screen.  They felt right.  Even though they were strange and awkward, I left them.


The awakening progressed from that date.  I had just the day before changed the theme on my blog.  The old tagline just wasn’t working for me and those three lines struck me as ideal for the website banner.  Now, I see them every time I looked at the site.  They wouldn’t leave me alone and they ended up in more posts.  It wasn’t a new idea.  Its always been there for me to realize.  I guess I just wasn’t ready.  I sort of marinated in the idea for a while. 


Oh, I would so much prefer the mystic of being a seeker . . . Those that are tormented or driven in their searches.  Their pursuits, so arcane and anguished, seem ever so much more consequential.  What a marvelous and romantic cloak to wrap one’s self in.  Unfortunately, that particular garment doesn’t fit me. Those things that I strive for, once attained, are never gratifying or satisfying.


Wanderer . . . Now there is a coat that fits me.  My wanderings have been more of a spiritual nature than a geographic one.  Though I have tried seeking meaning and truth, I have yet to find it in those places I have sought.  It is much more likely for me to stumble over meaning and have truth sucker punch me.  I seem to have to wonder at all I come across before I can assimilate it and make it part of the veracity that crafts me. 


The acceptance is now simple.  I’m not that which I had thought I was.  I am no seeker.  I am a wanderer and a wonderer.  I follow no path.  I have no real goal.  I question everything.  Mine is a spontaneous journey of discovery.  Fate, a better judge of that I must learn in this life, steers my course.  Karma provides me spiritual guides in the strangest of people.  Destiny is the only road map I have to follow.  Each new advancement, nothing I could anticipate, but in hindsight, the growth I truly needed to evolve.



So if you haven’t looked yet, the words . . .


Lost I may yet reach my goal

Without finding all that I seek

I may still be made whole