I am not a seeker. I always thought I was. I thought that was the path I needed to pursue to become complete. I know it sounds corny, but I really can’t think of a better way to describe my pursuit. So I sought and searched, but as with anything that is not natural for me to do, I could never maintain it. I wandered off constantly. The journey always so much more exciting and wondrous during the detours, that I can never resist the little side trips. I’m finally seeing, however, that I have learned much more than I realized in my wanderings, through my wonderings.
I would set out after a thing. Still, somehow I never got out of it what I sought. Yoga, for instance . . . I did it for the stretching, the workout. It isn’t that great a workout. I suppose, if I applied myself, I could push to perfect my form and make it about the physical. Reality . . . my Down Dog is always going to suck and balancing poses are a long way off for me. It turns out to not be that important. That really isn’t what its about. It teaches you how to get in touch with your body and to be totally present in the moment. The physical is just a path to the spiritual. See, I didn’t get what I was searching for, but what I got . . . WOW!
I think I’m starting to get it. Karma, fate, providence . . . call it anything you will. Life provides. It seems I learn and grow at the oddest times, in the strangest ways, via the most unexpected vehicles. I’m sure that seeking is the path for many. For me, however . . .
Lost I may yet reach my goal
Without finding all that I seek
I may still be made whole
Miss Demure Restraint 
5 comments
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June 22, 2008 at 4:32 pm
deanjbaker
good to see
June 23, 2008 at 3:27 am
Lethe
A wonderful reflection on life and spirit . . . the sentence that resonates with me most is
“So I sought and searched, but as with anything that is not natural for me to do, I could never maintain it.”
I’ve gone through so many phases and I’m not even twenty nine years old yet. During each phase I plunge myself into an activity, a habit, a way of life. For example, I meditated twice a day for five years. Suddenly, one day I woke up and decided that I didn’t want to meditate.
I make my life complicated by telling myself certain things I have to do. Meditation is one of them. But there are others, many others, and soon my life begins to look like a schedule of shoulds. Right now I may not be meditating, but I’m going for walks in the morning. And you know what? Walking seems to do the same thing that meditation does. Ultimately I believe the best way to live one’s life, the best barometer, per say, is to follow whatever one deeply enjoys. Structure is important but perhaps not as important as being open and flexible. Your comments suggest you have a knack for knowing when to be open, and when to invite wandering and wondering. Lovely.
Thanks
June 26, 2008 at 10:25 am
pepsoid
I am learning more and more that a good philosophy to live by is that, while one should have goals in life, one should never *expect* to reach them – the paths one treads on the way to *attempting* to reach these goals are what is important! I have read some books which, although ostensibly are light-hearted travel stories, illustrate this philosophy perfectly…
Danny Wallace: “Yes Man”
Tony Hawks: “One Hit Wonderland”
Dave Gorman: “Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure”
All worth checking out, if only for entertaining reads! 🙂
June 27, 2008 at 4:12 am
Lethe
You’re right Pepsoid . . . As humans we have to deal with this incredible urge to reach the stars–and in certain moments it feels as though we can really touch them–but we all fall down to earth–inevitably. Perhaps we are not meant to live in the stars.
Lethe
July 2, 2008 at 3:47 am
johnnypeepers
We are atoms of consciousness (the mystery, all that is, the universe) enjoying ourselves experientially. Life’s journey is only a campaign of macro-awareness. The recognition of the falseness of egoic (psyche) separation is the first step to a long wild ride.