“. . . Maybe you got a little lost? Maybe you’re looking for something you’re not supposed to find? Either way, just go search for it, it can’t hurt.” 

I followed an old link to a post I was looking for, but the post had been deleted and this is part of the message I got.  It gave me pause when I first saw it.  I can’t really say why, but I couldn’t stop from going back to it over and over.  It drew me in.  It called to me.  I’d find myself sitting staring at it, just reading it repeatedly.  I became obsessed with it.   

It was unlike any error message I have received before.  Was some higher, cyber power speaking to me providing me a kind of a cosmic permission slip?  It certainly moved into my head and took up residence.   My thoughts have visited there daily since it became part of my consciousness.  Steadily, these words battered their way past my logical brain, embraced my capricious heart, and bonded deeply within my chimerical soul.   

“. . . Maybe you got a little lost? ” Always I’m finding that I’m a little lost, yet that need not be a bad thing.  I appear to meander through my life aimless, without direction.  That’s not completely true.  Sure, I look up and I have no idea where I am or how I got there, but I’m there.  Isn’t one place as good as another?  Doesn’t each have it own merit?  Is it not the course of the journey what provides enlightenment?  Need my passage follow another’s or is each our own?  Unpredictable . . . Unforeseen . . . Unimaginable . . . Unfettered . . . If we so choose. 

“Maybe you’re looking for something you’re not supposed to find?”  I endlessly wander off track of my chosen objective, but the things I discover are of such wonderment.  I chase each siren’s song to its fantastical source mesmerized, yearning to seize the treasures of wisdom and knowledge available there to any willing to submit.   Without question or judgment, acceptance is the only tariff.   

“Either way, just go search for it.”  Isn’t it better to seek, to trek, to venture into those places not yet examined, even if it does lend one to appear wayward?  Better to pursue the impossible and find a thing you would never have sought after than to forego traveling a new road that beckons to you as too difficult an endeavor.  Should I be blessed . . . then the search for what I’m not suppose to find will lead me to what I need to find.   

“It can’t hurt.”  I doubt that. It most probably will hurt.  It’ll probably hurt like hell.  How could I not though?  Regardless the heartbreak, do I not grow with each experience?  Is not my ultimate goal the cultivation of self through wisdom, knowledge, experience, to be with my every breath truly everything I have potential to be?  Don’t I learn life’s lesson so much better when they are propagate in my soul through sorrow’s seed?  

Am I really damaged or just “pruned” by each fresh calamity?   Could I not be sculpted by the process and worthier as a result.  Do I not grow then with a new orientation?  Isn’t the soul’s accession the point of these endless renewals?  Is not the new growth always more healthy, beautiful and strong?  Each new bud a promise of providence and potential spiritual procreation. 

Besides wasn’t I given a special day pass to go out . . . get lost . . . seek the impossible . . . follow my heart’s desire?  I’m searching, searching for me.  I, however, am illusive, a chameleon.  As quickly as I can identify what I am hunting after, that very epiphany changes me.  So I’ll take that pass and I will become that which I seek as I search for it.  I will becoming ever-changing on my endless quest freely following the sign posts that interest and inspire me, no real itinerary in mind. 

“. . . Maybe you got a little lost? Maybe you’re looking for something you’re not supposed to find? Either way, just go search for it, it can’t hurt.” 

Lost I may yet reach my goal . . .
Without finding all that I seek . . .
I may still be made whole.