Every once in a while, there comes into your life someone that has an extraordinary impact.  I don’t know if its timing, chemistry, providence, opportunity or what.  All I can say is that I have recently had just such an experience.  I am changed.  I am different.  I am better.  I am healthier.  I am more myself than I have been in oh so very, very long. 
 

 A man swept through my world.  He wasn’t around for long.  He was charming, stimulating, fascinating, confusing, annoying and a righteous pain in the ass.  To be perfectly honest, I hope I never have any contact with him again.  I can say I don’t deem him to be a bad person despite the fact that I do not like everything he does and has done. 

I must, nonetheless, give credit where due.  Regardless of anything else he has done in his life, my existence was enriched by his brief tenure.  Bluntly, he hurt me.  I really think he knew he was doing it and don’t understand why.  Still he left me with more than he took from me.  When you factor that in, I’m glad he was there when he was, pain and all. 

I had stopped writing for a very long time.  For a lot of reasons, I started again while I was “with” him.  Oh yes, I would have gotten there on my own. Nevertheless, angst – ever the artist’s muse – was his specialty. From the intense physical connection to the feelings of being understood to the withdrawal of affection, the situation acted as a catalyst for me. 

From where I am now, I do not know how I survived all those years suppressing the passion that singly is the most obvious definition of me and who I am . . . my words.  Still, the wheel does turn.  Sometimes, Fortune smiles on you and it seems this may be my moment.  Writing again was just the beginning of the magnificent tapestry she is weaving in my life. 

Fate.  Destiny.  Coincidence.  Bullshit.  I don’t know what it was.  He was also the one that introduced me to wordpress and by association blogging.  He has a blog, but he doesn’t blog.  Fellow bloggers, I’m confident you understand.  Blogging is about communicating and participating.  Its more than is first perceived.  Blog is a magical, artistic cyber-community. 

blogito ergo sum (with thanks to Baekho) . . . I blog therefore I am.”  Sister Zenuria wrote that with help on the conjugation from friend blogger, Baekho.  These are just two of the amazing people I am coming to know.  There are too many to list them all, but these people comprise a family of artists sharing, appreciating and supporting one another’s work.  

If these two marvelous things were not enough, there’s more.  I am (and some of you will already know this) a little hyper and “high strung.”  Yoga has been a Godsend to me.  It has become such a part of my living.  Beyond the physical ability to “twist myself into a pretzel,” there is the spiritual aspect as well.  So, how do you think I got started on yoga?  “Yas.” 

Sure, this guy broke my heart, but he didn’t crush me and my self-esteem was not destroyed in the process.  I’m not sure exactly why but this time I walked away with a confidence I haven’t had before.  I feel like he planted the seeds of that.  When he vacated instead of the void that would have been left in the past, I had these other endeavors to sustain me. 

So a little fate, a bit of destiny, some coincidence, a lot of bullshit guided by Karma’s gentle hand and I am so much closer to having what I want; doing what I want; and being who I want than ever before.  Hell no, things aren’t perfect!  I do hold out hope that someday I will find a special man I can love and who will, in turn, love me back.  Someday?  Maybe? 

Yet another thing to thank him for?  Sure.  How can I find Mr. Right if Mr. Wrong isn’t out of my head, my heart, my life?  Tally it up and I come out in the plus column on this one.  Lover, should you ever read this . . . you’re a pretty cool guy and I really have to say . . . thank you for the potential your presence provided me.  Take care.  Good luck.  Good-bye.

Advertisements