It matters not the earliest flowers are pushing their way up through the soil towards the promise of the sunny days to come. It matters not that the harsh cold is yielding to the first signs of spring’s warm glow. In my heart, the frost and shade still hold sway. In my heart, the gloom casts its ominous shadow. This is all that is left to me now that you are gone. It is winter in my soul.
I remember it was not so very long ago. My heart was as a fresh young maiden, ripe and blushing, ready for anything life had in store for me. I was happy and content in my way. I thought I had what I needed. I believed those things that tormented me were behind me. I was ready for life’s next grand adventure. All was golden sunshine and bright, new possibilities. It was spring in my soul.
Then there came such a wondrous warmth into my heart. It was the spark of a brand new love and you brought it to me. I basked in the radiance of those emotions that grew to a blazing, dazzling illumination that lit the entire world around me. I committed myself to this perfect passion without reserve. No matter there was snow on the ground and a chill in the air. It was summer in my soul.
Somehow, the heat of our infatuation waned in you. You gave no reason only withdrew yourself from me, your heart moving to a place both aloof and cool. My affection and devotion was no match for your angst and fear. I held you for but a short time longer. Each day the light dimming. Each night the fervor fading. Each moment the season turning. It was autumn in my soul.
It matters not that spring is now the season. I do not feel it. It matters not that others in the world still love. I do not feel it. It matters not that I put forth the smiling mask for the benefit of those around me. I do not feel it. For me there is only the harsh, barren wasteland left behind in the wake of your passing and the question, how long must I suffer this bitter winter in my soul?
Miss Demure Restraint 
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February 11, 2008 at 11:16 pm
zenuria
Yes… Exactly…
Winter is a time of retreat and rejuvenation away from the world, away from the light of the sun. It lasts its alloted time. But the seeds that lie dormant will spring to life again, but all in good time. Time, time… such a cliche but so true.
My thoughts are with you. I understand completely. Take care of yourself in the cold.
February 12, 2008 at 8:09 am
romancandlefire
I once breathed in fragments of a man who fits this description.
Mine was indubitably the devil of a thousand lovers. Never allowing supreme passion to pierce his tempered heart, long enough for him to stay with me. He continually searches for a hidden saviour in the treacherous journey of life’s unforgiving illusions. For many, deliverance is found in dark crevasses, because it cannot recognize golden light. A man who never allows endearing solace to soothe his inner demons. For his emotional nadir is too thick for you to pierce through. The only choice is to let him go. Yet, to suffer in great distance. But even if he was beside me now – I would still feel his crippled pain. Life is never quite the same after his departure. A continuous love within my selfish being; dissipation is non-existent. Bleeding from within, while he perpetuates his endless journey elsewhere.
Still the feelings of a poisoned seed planted in my belly. Without question, time was not an option, yet I required a token of his travels – allowing his essence to germinate within my body. For the single purpose of having my soil forever seasoned with his unforgiving hands. Yes, I knew a man like this once.
Allow your roots to thrust through and flourish elsewhere. Otherwise, you have already chosen to die. Men tend to clip off too much before hibernation. Sometimes it takes two full seasons to bud again. You are too beautiful to have a man kill you before your time. Sunlight is just around the corner for you.
Anna –
February 12, 2008 at 10:12 pm
internationalpoet
Posted on another blog, yet to officially part of my blog, “Wordsuponmystone” is the following poem. It is a poem from “Roses Amidst Thorns” published in 2005 by yours truly. The poem itself was written in 2001 and is copyrighted in the title of “The Heart of A Poet.” I hope it brings you a certain peace with yourself.
It is said,
in the poems of a person,
one finds the heart of a person.
A poem takes courage.
A poem is light where there is darkness.
I have been in darkness.
I am no longer in darkness.
Am I blessed?
Yes, in ways beyond count.
Have I kept all my promises,
the promises I made,
at the darkest of times?
No, but I have not forgotten those promises.
I am a work in progress.
I thank God for giving me one more day.
Another day to come closer to my keeping,
those promises.
If those promises are not all kept,
will God forgive me?
Yes God will.
God is a loving God.
He is love and forgiveness.
Thank you God.