What am I seeking?  My God, so many posts here talking about it, wouldn’t you think I’d have some kind of an idea by now?  Is the problem men or me?   
There is a good argument to be made that it is me.  I have a “broken picker.”  I only seem to go for the guys that I have no possibility of a future with.  I do this with such regularity that it is almost 100% predictable.  My dearest friend said it so much better than I could in an e-mail I got from him yesterday. 
You are most attracted to the ones who are least likely to make stable partners.  Perhaps eventually you will get confused and fall for someone who isn’t f**ckin’ nuts.  I admit it, I’m quite mad myself and believe I will have to work out how to conceal it from any potential mate whereas you head straight for it!  You must have a sixth sense or do they advertise themselves as “neurotic, emotionally unstable male in perpetual life crisis seeks non-smoking hypervigilant female for cyclical crash and burn relationship and quiet nights in”?” 
My love, you scare me.  Hell, that I am so locked into this dysfunctional cycle of relationships scares me.  I believe I do it subconsciously in some strange warped attempt to protect myself from the type of hurt I have experienced in the past.  In which case, my subconscious is a senseless, moron as its not working!  I still get knocked down.  Perhaps not as much as I used to, but how self-defeating is that anyway and for what?  Another “cyclical crash and burn relationship” that is predestined to torment me for the duration and end badly.  Like I’ve said before . . . somebody please just shoot me! 
The other possibility is that like attracts like.  I’d say I’m pretty much the poster child for that one.  I like to refer to myself as artistic.  I suppose you could classify it as a little crazy (okay, certifiable).  So, just because one man I was involved with now includes in his online blurb, “Would love to meet a sane but fun woman with an artistic streak and see where it goes.”  Is that necessarily a reflection on me?  I find it interesting that he includes about himself, “I’ve been told I’m crazy but I hope that was meant in a good way.”  This should serve as a warning to you sane folks out there. 
I still don’t have any answers here.  I’d sure like to find some guy lunatic enough to appreciate and accept that in me, but stable enough to keep us from sliding off the planet.  While I’m wish listing . . . funny, intelligent, charming, articulate, artistic, athletic with off-the-scope “chemistry.”  Yeah, that’s what I want.  Still there’s something to be said for being direct and cutting through all the crap. It might save time and energy if I just advertise – “non-smoking hypervigilant female seeks neurotic, emotionally unstable male in perpetual life crisis for cyclical crash and burn relationship and quiet nights in.”  

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