My best girl friend is getting married. She’s most happy; of course, she has the usual doubts . . . cold feet and all. Still, I think for her it is the right thing to do. Bless her and may joy embrace her.
I have a dubious friend that is planning to take a wife sooner than later. He sounds sincere, maybe even a bit sappy. I think he too should follow his heart. May peace and love finally find him.
Any time I think of the word “marriage,” I hear the voice of that funny priest from “Princess Bride.” You know the one . . . he’s trying to marry Buttercup off to Prince Humperdinck before Westley can rescue her. Yes, that’s the representation of marriage for me . . . something I should need to be saved from! This is how I have felt for most of my adult life.
Hell, I’m not talking out my ass on this. I’ve twice uttered the words “I do.” The rest is history. On a good day, my marriages make good fodder for jokes. On a bad day, they are simply tragedies in my past. Both times I had the distinct sense of being trapped, of living in a cage. Its little wonder I have done much since to undermine any possibility of a lasting relationship with anyone even my auto mechanic.
So it is with irony that I pack my bag to head out to stand up for my dear sister. The irony is not that I would aid and abet another in doing a thing I would not do . . . it is the second bag I’m packing. In it go my doubts and misgivings, if just for the weekend, so I may be happy and supportive of this joyful time in another’s life. Does that make me a fraud? I hope not. It is only my intent to be the best friend I can and not judge another’s choices in life. Just as I would have others not judge me. Whether it be deluding myself or not, I choose to see it as irony.
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September 8, 2009 at 8:16 am
oracleofthepearl
A true friend once told me-
“Now I’ve given you my opinions. The truth is, if you told me you were going to jump off a cliff, I’d just hold your hand and jump with you.”
While many would argue against the merits of that brand of friendship, I’d say that’s a person you’d want standing with you on one of the most important days of your life. She’s saying “I’ll stand with you”. “I’ll stand by you.” “I’ll stand up for you.”
And, you know, sometimes that’s what a marriage takes too. But once in a while, it needs that other friend to stand by it as well.
Dang, I’m gettin all misty…
September 8, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Shawn Roske
Yeah… I’ve been saying to myself I won’t remarry unless it was a mutually conscious on. Still figuring out what I mean by that…
September 8, 2009 at 2:37 pm
bindo
Why get married…
Just find someone you hate and give them a house…
September 9, 2009 at 1:02 am
lady maggie
i’ve never been a man and i don’t plan on ever being so even in any future lives, but i’d support and help a boy becoming one and think the world is way too saturated with boys who failed to do so
i’ve never been a waterboard torturer and i don’t plan on ever being one no matter how patriotic it might make me, and i’d rather be tortured to death myself than to support and help someone become a torturer
somewhere between those two extremes, i think, is marriage, somewhere between it’s-just-not-in-my-nature and it’s-unnatural-to-the-point-of-inhuman. and perhaps closer to the torturer/tortured extreme for many of us (like, put me there on marriage, over toward the torturer extreme)
either way, it doesn’t make you a fraud to support a lifestyle for someone else that just ain’t natural for you. what would be the guillotine for me (and sounds like, for you) could very well be a pearl necklace for your friend. it doesn’t go against your feelings to honor hers in your friendship
just one girl’s opinion, .mag
September 10, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Cordie
As a woman married and divorced twice, too, I understand how you might feel. However, I have more confidence in other people when it comes to marriage or long term relationships than I do in myself. I think the best you can do is give support….not be judgemental…and hope for the best—as you are doing! P.S. Do you plan to catch the bouque….? LoL.
September 10, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Uncle Tree
Once bitten, try again
Twice bitten, but…bled dry
Third time’s a charm if…
I don’t know yet. I’m still waiting.
8 years have now passed. I’ll wait some more.
I’m done having kids, so what would be the point?
I would be interested, if…I weren’t so self absorbed
in my own activities, and I would feel sorry for the lady
who took on a man who has his head in the clouds most times.
What to do, what to do, what to do. Stop looking? Already did.
Look again? I do, I do. Honestly though, they’re all younger than me.
I still have my pride, you know. I just don’t like to admit it.
I’ve also stopped making promises altogether.
I mean, that is what a vow is, ain’t it?
September 11, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Miss Demure Restraint
Shawn – Let me know if you figure it out.
Bindo – LMAO . . . That would have been my second marriage, how ever did you know.
Mag – I’m right there with you.
Cordie – I ran the other way.
Uncle – Amen and how is it that they are are so young? We must be getting old (or not!)
Thanks for all the response, I really didn’t expect it.
September 12, 2009 at 12:52 am
Cindy Hanson
what?!? you can kick the guy out AND keep the house? throw in the kids and the dog… j/k you may want to find an auto mechanic though… they can really take you for a ride! Thank you for sharing…