Truly How Long?

Is it ending?
Can it be over just that fast?
Is it loving?
Where the hope it might last?

I think he’s found another lover
No woman, nothing so low
He goes to a place I cannot follow
So once again, I am alone

His embrace not there to warm me
His life I do not know
His heart does draw away from me
So painfully, so slow

My sadness overwhelms me
Still my age-old fears subside
My release to him of all of me
Once more withdraws inside

Tis bittersweet my aching
How do I say goodbye?
Truly how long do we carry on
Before its all a lie?

Introduction to Miss Demure Restraint’s Journal

Another hard lesson from my buddy . . . life. It would seem I have got to make some choices. It had been my intent to start a second blog of my journals, postings longer than I like to do here. I went so far as to set up the site. The plan was to spend my recovery time after surgery writing in general and specifically organizing the journals to make them ready for posting. Swing and a miss. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I know I can’t write under medication. I should have known that script is script, whether it be pain meds or bipolar meds.

I still thought I might manage it once I got my feet back under me, but then the unexpected happened. I seemed to have found the fulfillment of one of my other dreams. I meet a man and we are in love. No big surprise to any that have read this blog in the last couple of months. My God, I was a dribbling idiot for awhile. Its all good, at least I was writing something.

So now between working ten hours shifts, trying to maintain some kind of workout schedule, practice my yoga, make somewhat regular posts here, keep my house so that my OCD doesn’t manifest, write in my journals, participate in a couple of writing projects with others, pursue some spiritual growth, spend time with my love and do the other thousand things I have in my life, I have to be honest and admit I do not have time for another blog.

I admit a certain sadness, but I am so very blessed in my life at the moment that this is nothing. I could just leave it out there dormant until something changed or I found time. Still, there is something heartbreaking about that empty blog sitting with nothing but the mention that someone hopes to get to it someday. So, I’ve decided to delete it.

As with all things though, there’s a flip side. I don’t have to give it up completely. I have several entries ready that aren’t so long that I can’t post them here. I’m sure in the future there will be more. So I say both farewell and hello to Miss Demure Restraint’s Journal.